Demonic Love Child

D:

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 03:59:08 GMT

There was a virus going around MSN, yipee >.> I'd gotten that virus in my computer, and it played with my anti-virus programs. It's ruining my harddrive too, once in a while when I get to go onto the internet {once a week if that, and only on msn} and when I get online I see if I can read up on a few fics, usually I don't have more than twenty minutes though. My computer's been out of my house to be fixed for weeks now. So I'm kind of like blah, I have a few fics that I'd beta'd and one that I'd been finishing up. Those are gone too.

If I was working to beta something for you I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. If you need to contact me for any reason the only email I usually get to check is on Obscure-logical@hotmail.co.uk

I'm a week I'm due to get my computer back, finally.

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 17:21:09 GMT

Title: Muffins
Author: Me
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: Kaoru/Kyo
Rating: G?
Genre: Crack xD;
Note: Uhm didn't beta or check much for effors. Mwuahaha written for Kaoru(Clara) because she was all 'Go go go! Write something'.

Kyo had never been one for sweets, for as he so claimed he would get fat. So when Kaoru wandered into the kitchen of the apartment he and the vocalist shared there was nothing but /shock/.

"Kyo!? What are you doing?"

"Kaoru!?"

With a little squeal Kyo turned his back to Kaoru quickly, reaching around and shifting things in a hasty manner, quickly the self proclaimed warumono picked up an apple, turning and chucking it at the Leader-sama's head.

Kaoru had been so shocked to hear Kyo make such a sound that had never notice the apple being hauled at his head until it hit him in the forehead and bounced onto the floor.

"....Ow."

"Oh well, if that wasn't a delayed reaction, is your age starting to catch you?"

"No, of course it's not. But that sound you made, dearie. It was sooooooo--"

"Shut up."

A smirk painted itself on Kaoru's soft lips, the older male moving closer to the warumono and capturing him in his arms with a bit of struggle from the blonde, which soon died off, and the blonde stood, pouting.

"Oh, but Kyo-chan, that's what you get for getting caught with your hand inside the cookie jar,"

"Say it and Dir en grey will be looking for a new leeeeeader~"

"I must say it love, even with your little threats you are too /cute/ for words."

There was a shout of 'You're toast!' from the vocalist, and on that cue Kaoru took to releasing Kyo and running off to play a game of 'hide, seek and try not to be killed by Kyo' for the /third/ time that week, it was only Monday! But as they say, dear children, in a world with Kyo being caught with his hand in the cookie jar and Kaoru using that accusatory word of 'cute' you know what they say. 'We're /all/ mad here.'

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 19:40:34 GMT

Title: Work in Progress, Untitled
Band: Dir en grey (big shock huh?)
Pairing: Kaoru/Kyo
Author: Me... on this part
Warning: Mentions of child abuse and that nonsense, slight angst
Notes: This will be a fic with two authors... I'm working with one of my friends to write it, lately first and second person is what I'm into xD; So this is also in first person, in the story I'm writing from Kyo's POV.

Kyo

My father disapproves of my love for music, of me. He says I need to make friends and return to reality. Even though it is just the ranting of a low life drug addict some of the things he says still hurt worse than anything he could psychically inflict on me...

When I was little my parents were very happy together, up until I was about nine, anyway. After my ninth year the pleasant calm that resided in the house broke away into a hazy memory. It was never quiet at night because there was always yelling happening, my mother was a stay at home mom, and my father worked long hours during the day time. In my fathers opinion, I was worthless, ugly, insignificant, retarded, a waste of time and space in his life. They always fought because of me, and though my mother would never tell me right to my face I knew she agreed with father, and if she had not, after such a long time my father had brainwashed her.

By the time I was 13, my parents had long since split up and my mother remarried. However as for my father...he seemed to just disappear, he left Kyoto, at first it was required I take his phone calls but after so long...they just stopped and I had never heard from him again. After what my parents had put me through as a child I was bitter towards them, although my step father he was very rich and very well known in the business world. Ryuzaki, his name, is how I referred to him though often in the beginning he would try convincing me to call him father. I suppose that what happened in the next three years was my fault, because I was stubborn.

Over time, Mr. Ryuzaki began to show his true colours. I was shocked at first, day by day he seemed to lose his mind a bit more, he was getting worse then my true father. Ryuzaki, he hated me more than my father did, and he made sure it was well known, often I would have to wear clothing to cover all of my body so the cuts and bruises weren't visible. My mother, who was so protective at first slowly stopped caring, sometimes she would even watch as I was beaten into a mangled bundle of flesh, bone and blood. He and her were falling into agreement, I was worthless, lazy, fat, ugly and they had to get rid of me, sometimes I heard them conversing about shipping me to an orphanage, other times they spoke of ways to make a death seem like a suicide. I started to hate being at home because I never felt safe. Often, I cried myself to sleep.

Through all of the melodrama that was in my house hold, I still went to the best private school and for some reason the people there liked the silent warumono that I had made of myself. School wasn't my favorite, I didn't like that I felt I was working when I had no clear future, it was like grabbing at random straws and hoping I could make something out of them. Even so, school was my sanctuary, I was in college level creative writing classes, and in music, but I didn't care for my other classes which was apparent. In the classes I cared for I excelled, however everything else was just passing marks. I made a lot of friends, and they were true friends, unlike in grade school where your best friend would turn around and bad mouth you.

Unfortunately, my struggles at home had began to wear me down, I was never sleeping, I hardly got the change to eat, my grades started to slip and there was never a time I could focus for longer than five minutes. Also, there was never a time I wasn't in constant pain from a beating the night before.

It was around that time I turned to cutting myself. I knew it wasn't smart, it was in fact a very big mistake, but in my head I felt if I was going to suffer it should be me controlling just how bad the pain was. Yet, I became...addicted. When the sharp pain would kiss my skin, and watching the red bubble to the surface, it gave me a very nauseating feeling that ate away at my stomach, but I liked it.

However those are memories now. I am away from my mother and my step father now, but nothing is better. Now I'm living with my father. I was forced to move from Kyoto to Osaka, but I'm not in some nice little city, just some little area I didn't know about. This place is ghetto. The apartment building I live in is old and run down, and my fathers apartment in a small two bed room place with tiny rooms, however its cheap, so there is only a bathroom, a tiny kitchen, a main room and one small bedroom the size of a closet...which is my room. It disgusted me, this place, it smelt bad, little mildew and rotting wood, the bathroom roof leaked, there were no windows and parts of the floor were rotting, but I never complained out loud.

My father didn't work anymore, he'd let himself go and he was no longer easy to look at, a human being eaten alive by drugs. The only way this man could survive was on the SSI checks he received for some supposed disability that preventing him from working. It didn't surprise me that father only used that money for drugs and for food and such he needed to survive.

I got to fend for myself, since it was summer when I came to Osaka I got two part time jobs this way, when school started rather then going from on place right to the other I could leave one job or work out my hours to keep everything paid. In those weeks of summer I saved almost all of the money I had made, what I spent went towards payment plans I worked out with bill collectors, the land lord, and things such as food.

At first doing such bothered me, but over the summer months it became routine. I woke early in the morning, around 4:30 AM, I got a shower, get dressed, and left right away because I had to be at my first job by 6 AM, hours later at 1 PM, I went to my second job and worked from 2:30 PM to 4 PM, and then I went home. Right away I would shower, deal with my fathers complaining and cook dinner. I didn't work on Saturday or Sunday, those days I would clean and do things like buying food and taking care of my father.

It made me proud of myself, that I could deal with such things and still be strong, I was already doing those of which adults did, it was difficult but it eventually became easier, however...when school started up I was back in my own hell.

Fiction .o.

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 08:02:28 GMT

Title: Letters of Love
Author: Me
Genre: Erm Letter type one shot?
Rating: R
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: Toshiya/Kyo
Warnings: Mention of death, mention of suicide, angst
Note: |: Try and like...make your flames nice? D:

Even now I find that I can not comprehend the terms of reality and the extensions of fantasy that my mind creates around me. Fragments of what is and what I would like things to be piece together, they create a world that even I, in my right mind, am unable to decipher from real life. It is now that I finally believe in the message that he used as a focus. ... No ending is happy.

Finally it seems that everything is being to sink in, however. I spend my days alone either in this apartment that mocks me with its every fiber of being, or I sit outside under the cherry blossom trees where I can spend time together with my love.

You see, Kyo was only thirty-six. Although his picture of life was a very darkened, vague one, and the time before hand was the most traumatic thing I've ever expeirenced in my life ...the actual passing of the man who claimed my heart was rather peaceful. Some days, that was the only thing that could keep me together and others. That fact only proceeded to push me further away in my hysterics.

One day, in a rage while I sat under the cherry blossom trees I had said things that I can never forgive myself for. That day was a day of pleasant weather with a chance of sudden storms. I had accused Kyo of leaving so peacefully because he wanted to get away from me, I was such a horrible selfish person that death was his only escape, as I had grown custom to, I simply sat and cried my vision appearing kaleidoscopic no longer bothering me. Although so slowly the sky began to weep and grow dark, and I could hear the hushed whisper of the wind wrapping around me, a familiar voice returning to me and whispering the sweet nothings I can so longed for. In that time I knew that had been Kyo's way of correcting me, and I felt a whole new hatred for myself for thinking such terrible things.

I think that...Kyo passing peacefully in his sleep while he was in the hospital with me lingering at his side, holding his hand, was a way of comforting me, for he could no longer fight for me and it was my turn to stand up and be strong for the both of us, but I could know that there was no pain in his departure. His breathing had slowed so gracefully as I slept, only when had I heard the soft words of a confession of true love and a bitter sweet good bye had I started to come around and by that time it was too late.

Everything had happened a month ago, to this date. Kaoru, Die, Shinya and our family and close friends tried desperately to comfort me each day before I stopped them, even fans of Dir en grey came together and made a memorial for Kyo and I. The others and I attended, although much of the time I simply cried. Everything was so beautiful, many times during that day I had stopped to look for Kyo to show him and that simply upset me even more. Yet that was so sweet of so many people I didn't even have names for would reach out to me, to us.

There are people who say that scars and hearts heal over time, and yet I know from this I will never truly recover. I have become a very selfish person, all I want is Kyo. We would have been together for ten years, tomorrow and it will kill me as soon as I can think clearly, because in my mind I still think my little warumono is going to jump out from behind a tree screaming, scaring the life out of me, though in the very back of my mind I know I'm fooling myself.

People also say that suicide is the cowards escape, and you know something? If that is true then I will proudly be a coward in my last attempt to get the chance to hold my baby in my arms, if only for a moment. In my dreams Kyo promises that he will be there as soon as it is my time, and if it is my time then I will not fail because it will then be fate.

Die, Kaoru, Shinya, who are my best friends, my family I am sorry that I must be a coward, and I am so sorry that I am only going to cause you more pain in my selfishness but I need to smile again.

Signed,
Hara Toshimasa
July Thirteen of year Two-thousand-twelve.

Even though his actions have caused you all so much pain, I must thank you for accepting everything, for some without too much shock, yet I know it is still very hard. Kaoru, Shinya and Die I thank you so dearly for watching him as long as you had, and thank you also for never forgetting about me and about us. It had always brought tears to my eyes knowing that I had my friends is nothing else. Some day you will be here with us and do not worry for Toshiya and I will always be there to protect you, and as for Toshiya the beautiful male with a hyena's laugh, he is safe here with me, back in my arms where he belongs.

Forever my friends,
Kyo, the warumono who is not cute.